Well i told my guy friend how i felt this morning (we will just say his name is Conrad) . He is a really sweet guy, he hunts, does some fishing, has a couple horses, he is fun to be around, and its almost refreshing, hes not like my ex, hes quieter but more manly, hes only had 2 girlfriends his whole life, and hes shy. He offered his bed to me last night when i was kinda drunk, and tired, i went to bed early in his bed and i got woken up by him coming in, and hes about to make a bed on the floor, and honestly i appreciated the respect he had given me, the floor is not comfy, so i told him to get up there with me and we cuddled each other. or mainly i cuddled with him and then he eventually gave in and cuddled with me haha. And i think i needed that, i needed to be cuddled, it felt nice... and in the morning, we laughed and talked and i just came out with how i had a crush on him.. and that also felt nice, it was out of my comfort zone, all of it, I've never felt better about myself. I'm starting to gain confidence in myself and i LOVE it. And i love my friends, i don't think I've ever felt so loved by a group of friends before. They are seriously such awesome people, and i wouldn't trade them for anyone else. they are sweet, encouraging, and damn awesome to get drunk with haha, but the are also caring, when we fall asleep in their couch they put a pillow and a blanket over us.  if we need help they are there on the dot. i pretty damn happy about it all.